Kathryn Tappen's ex-stalker... no it's not me

Ok so I just got back from vacation and I've got a good welcome back post. Was hanging out at this bar down in Providence. My buddy is on tv down there as a meteorologist; just started and works weekends so he's only famous with 80 year olds. Anyway, we're having a beer, checking out the local flavor and this dude walks up to my buddy with "Don't you recognize me!!" After what felt like 5 minutes he finally reveals that he's the number 3 sports anchor/producer bitch for NBC Providence and knew my buddy from seeing him on TV. Weird start to a conversation unless you're in LA I guess. Anyway they shoot the shit about tv forever, boring. Then he starts getting real weird talking about how he gave this girl his number down in NY and was waiting for her call. Nearest I could tell he got her number like a month ago. Says he's usually in the Providence area chilling because he grew up there but he may be spending a lot of time in NY if things go well with the hottie. Talks about how you can't tell what's going on with NY girls if you don't hear from them for a day because they could be hooking up at some party. So he starts seeming pretty stalkerish. Proceeds to check his phone every 10 seconds to see if she calls.


He then mentions he used to work with Kathryn Tappen. So I of course asked the obvious question. I was drunkish so I think I asked if he "Tappen'd" that ass. Not my finest moment. Anyway, he says that she was only into huge muscular guys and wanted him as her gay friend, basically just platonic. He doesn't really want to talk about Kathryn Tappen anymore and then talks about how girls know he's not stalkerish because he's on TV interviewing KG or Ortiz. Logic makes no sense and we suspected that he was a crazy girl stalker but never mentioned it. He finally leaves us alone after the cool guy fist pump and goes to eat dinner... by himself constantly checking his phone. I bet he creeped the shit out of Kathryn Tappen and emailed/called/stalked her constantly until she was finally able to escape to NESN. I'm also betting this girl he gave her number to never calls him. But at least he is good at tennis. Ha ha.

One finally annoyance. We asked him for dirt on who we'd think was a nice guy in sports but is really an asshole. And what did he tell us... Danny Ainge. Yeah, no shit.

Mikey Lowell

Ok so Hannah made me post this. Why no all star bid for him?

Ok this is more like it

Remember a few years back when the Yankees won the WS and then the next year Joe Torre put his whole lineup in the All Star game. I know it was a looooong time ago but it totally pissed the shit out of me. Well the Red Sox, which they've been doing for the last few years, finally got their revenge. 7 Red Sox were elected to the All Star Game. Granted, that includes Big Papi (won't play), Manny (won't go unless he gets 50 tickets for his posse), and JD Drew (won't go if he wakes up with Vertigo). But it also includes Yoooook, Dusty (damn you Pat for that nickname), Papelbonfire, and Mr. 221 Captain V-tek. Well in V-Tek's defense, he was voted on by the players. While Jeter, who's not having a good year either, was voted on by the fans. I'm assuming of the female variety. Side note: I would not date any girl who thought Jeter was hot.

A-Rod will be there too so I can't wait to see "I've turned into a man" Madonna in the seats. Guy Ritchie hurry up and leave her so you can make cool movies again.

Oh one final thing, did you see that ball Damon didn't catch? Because, honestly, I think he's still looking for it. Well at least the concussion increased his intelligence. "Ummmm, yeah, I ummm, tried to, ummm catch the, ummm ball, and ummm, Yankee suck!. Oh, wait, ummmm, I'm kidding I know, that I'm not and, ummm, Red Sox anymore." Sorry to all who are offended by speech impediments but it's Johnny Demon for christ's sake. Oops, sorry to all you christians too.

Joe Alexander

So my old high school classmate got drafted into the NBA by the Bucks.

Here's a quote about his drive. "I think he saw that I was really passionate about the game, I wasn't just going through the motions."

Kinda reminds me of his sister.

Coolest gun ever

Guns are awful, they only bring pain and misery to people, animals, tin cans, etc... But dude come on this is the coolest gun ever.

Champions Rewarded

Yeah baby, this is what champions get rewarded with. A 4 hour Swedish massage in Vegas. So while A-Rod is boning Madonna (a little late on that bus buddy), Kobe is raping some little blonde girl and buying the new pink princess cut diamond to apologize, the Rockies are praying to Jesus before every game, LeBron is wishing to move to NY, the World Champion Celts and the rest of the Beantown champions are living it up in style. How else to explain Bucholz laying some pipe on a Penthouse pet. Boston the best sports teams in the world. And that's The Truth!

Religion

It sucks!