Kathryn Tappen's ex-stalker... no it's not me

Ok so I just got back from vacation and I've got a good welcome back post. Was hanging out at this bar down in Providence. My buddy is on tv down there as a meteorologist; just started and works weekends so he's only famous with 80 year olds. Anyway, we're having a beer, checking out the local flavor and this dude walks up to my buddy with "Don't you recognize me!!" After what felt like 5 minutes he finally reveals that he's the number 3 sports anchor/producer bitch for NBC Providence and knew my buddy from seeing him on TV. Weird start to a conversation unless you're in LA I guess. Anyway they shoot the shit about tv forever, boring. Then he starts getting real weird talking about how he gave this girl his number down in NY and was waiting for her call. Nearest I could tell he got her number like a month ago. Says he's usually in the Providence area chilling because he grew up there but he may be spending a lot of time in NY if things go well with the hottie. Talks about how you can't tell what's going on with NY girls if you don't hear from them for a day because they could be hooking up at some party. So he starts seeming pretty stalkerish. Proceeds to check his phone every 10 seconds to see if she calls.


He then mentions he used to work with Kathryn Tappen. So I of course asked the obvious question. I was drunkish so I think I asked if he "Tappen'd" that ass. Not my finest moment. Anyway, he says that she was only into huge muscular guys and wanted him as her gay friend, basically just platonic. He doesn't really want to talk about Kathryn Tappen anymore and then talks about how girls know he's not stalkerish because he's on TV interviewing KG or Ortiz. Logic makes no sense and we suspected that he was a crazy girl stalker but never mentioned it. He finally leaves us alone after the cool guy fist pump and goes to eat dinner... by himself constantly checking his phone. I bet he creeped the shit out of Kathryn Tappen and emailed/called/stalked her constantly until she was finally able to escape to NESN. I'm also betting this girl he gave her number to never calls him. But at least he is good at tennis. Ha ha.

One finally annoyance. We asked him for dirt on who we'd think was a nice guy in sports but is really an asshole. And what did he tell us... Danny Ainge. Yeah, no shit.

Mikey Lowell

Ok so Hannah made me post this. Why no all star bid for him?

Ok this is more like it

Remember a few years back when the Yankees won the WS and then the next year Joe Torre put his whole lineup in the All Star game. I know it was a looooong time ago but it totally pissed the shit out of me. Well the Red Sox, which they've been doing for the last few years, finally got their revenge. 7 Red Sox were elected to the All Star Game. Granted, that includes Big Papi (won't play), Manny (won't go unless he gets 50 tickets for his posse), and JD Drew (won't go if he wakes up with Vertigo). But it also includes Yoooook, Dusty (damn you Pat for that nickname), Papelbonfire, and Mr. 221 Captain V-tek. Well in V-Tek's defense, he was voted on by the players. While Jeter, who's not having a good year either, was voted on by the fans. I'm assuming of the female variety. Side note: I would not date any girl who thought Jeter was hot.

A-Rod will be there too so I can't wait to see "I've turned into a man" Madonna in the seats. Guy Ritchie hurry up and leave her so you can make cool movies again.

Oh one final thing, did you see that ball Damon didn't catch? Because, honestly, I think he's still looking for it. Well at least the concussion increased his intelligence. "Ummmm, yeah, I ummm, tried to, ummm catch the, ummm ball, and ummm, Yankee suck!. Oh, wait, ummmm, I'm kidding I know, that I'm not and, ummm, Red Sox anymore." Sorry to all who are offended by speech impediments but it's Johnny Demon for christ's sake. Oops, sorry to all you christians too.

Joe Alexander

So my old high school classmate got drafted into the NBA by the Bucks.

Here's a quote about his drive. "I think he saw that I was really passionate about the game, I wasn't just going through the motions."

Kinda reminds me of his sister.

Coolest gun ever

Guns are awful, they only bring pain and misery to people, animals, tin cans, etc... But dude come on this is the coolest gun ever.

Champions Rewarded

Yeah baby, this is what champions get rewarded with. A 4 hour Swedish massage in Vegas. So while A-Rod is boning Madonna (a little late on that bus buddy), Kobe is raping some little blonde girl and buying the new pink princess cut diamond to apologize, the Rockies are praying to Jesus before every game, LeBron is wishing to move to NY, the World Champion Celts and the rest of the Beantown champions are living it up in style. How else to explain Bucholz laying some pipe on a Penthouse pet. Boston the best sports teams in the world. And that's The Truth!

Religion

It sucks!

Hot vs. Crazy Girl Debate

Ok, first of all let's be clear. All girls are pretty crazy to start. You take estrogen and then if you mix alcohol, oh shit stand back. Knowing that the key is to make sure a girl is hotter than she is crazy. Or the Crazy/Hot Postulate. This really breaks down the Hot Vs. Crazy debate. Couple examples.

- Angelina Jolie very hot but too crazy, even if she'd be cool with 10 playmates in bed. She'd probably also want to take vials of your blood.
- Britney Spears, run the other way. Way too crazy and clearly not hot at all anymore.
- Kate Hudson moderate on both ends. I'd wager to say she needs a little more crazy or spark.
- Jessica Alba, almost the perfect woman (pre pregnancy of course). And in fact she's used in the postulate as the baseline.
- Alyssa Milano hot and slightly crazy (we get it you can't decide on what religion you want so you got tattoos of them all) but her hotness completely outweighs it.

So study up on this before you go out on a date. And if she has crazy eyes completely turn around and go in the other direction. Lesson's over bitches.

Top 5 Girls Who Annoy The Shit Out Of Me

This is in order of annoyance. 1 being the most.

5. All the chicks in Bollywood.
4. Sharon Stone (old, washed up, not pretty, won't shut up)

3. Madonna (see Sharon Stone and add fake British chick, banging A-Rod)


2. Angelina Jolie (Her craziness outweighs her hotness, that will be another post. She made out with her brother)



1. Alicia Keys (Dude. She annoys the crap out of me in so many ways. First of all she doesn't know who the hell she is. White/black, straight/gay, skinny/fat, hip-hop/R&B, etc... Also, she's a total bitch. She's the kind of chick that would say she was all about woman empowerment on the first date and to not even try to touch or kiss her but then would want you to pay for everything. And she probably would talk about how awesome she was, blah blah blah. I mean come on who does she think shes fooling. She's like the anti-Mariah Carey and just as crazy.)



Honorable mentions: Rachel Ray, Dane Cook, Carrie Underwood, Britney/Paris/Lindsay/Nicole

Apple Dilemma

Dude. I have a technology dilemma. I hate Apple products. Why do they have to look so slick and be so easy to use? I mean sometimes we want to be able to get at the nuts and bolts and reboot a lot. I'd take my brick zune that can withstand WW3 vs. the MacBook Air any day. It's too dainty.

Anyway, the new iPhone is coming out and I really want to snatch it up. I have this Euro phone now that works but honestly it's not nearly as cool. So do I swear off my allegiance to non-Apple products and get this cool ass phone or do I stick with my roots and go for a non-iPhone. MS has no plans to make the Zune a phone which is total BS because I really want to keep that in my front pocket all the time to impress the ladies but I think I might have to go with this. It honestly looks like a Blackberry but not the Pearl. Which as we all know at work is super lame and can't get MS Exchange email.

Any suggestions? Do I sell out to the man or do I stick with the other man. Wow all that talk about the man makes me seem gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that but I'm not. To prove it, here's my future wife.

Welcome

So as I contribute more to this blog you will find out that this is unlike any other blog on the interweb. I have extremely good taste in music, girls, movies, bars, beer, sports, etc... If you have bad taste you will learn a thing or two from me. Or I will humiliate you.

I am a Chinese-Austrian American. Or Eurasian. Or Eurotrash To Go. Either way I look Mexican but don't know spanish.

Right now I am blazing one up in Jamaica. Hey it's a religion down here mon, so no hatin'. I really wanted to bring my ultra cool limited edition hip-hop jacket but honestly it's a little too hot for that. So I wore my Southie hip hop track suit instead. I'm blending in with the local flava now. Especially now since I'm sunburnt, yeah we Eurasians sunburn easy.

Right now I'm listening to some awesome tunes on my MS Zune. Aww yeah...Saigon the Don. It may be the size and weight of a brick but it beats the iPod because.... well it really doesn't but I can use it as a weapon when my buddies get too drunk and are mouthing off during late nights.

Well that's all for now. And remember my motto.... "Take the ticket asshole!"